Josiah

On this day 14 yrs ago, a wonderful soul was brought forth into this world...I remember it was snowing...I remember not know ing what to expect and my mother and mother-in -law laughing when I said I couldn't go on and deal with the labor pains when I was only dilated to 3..I remember the first couple weeks of not sleeping...laying by the cradle rocking wanting to cry cause I was exhausted...breastfeeding was a challange...I almost gave up but didn't...his first toothless smile...falling in love with him every day...laying outside in the warm May on a blanket in the sun so we could cure his jaundice...going on a weekend trip, just me and him when his father and I first split up...my first time back to work and how much I missed him, having to pump breast milk there and for the weekends when his dad took him...I remember when he had the chicken pox and not sleeping for days, his love affair with disney world, his proud soul in the Arab culture, his close relationship with his father and step father Ed, when he first went to school and him dressing up like Hook for Halloween, when he got into magic, when he got into music and singing, when he got into girls...sigh...our close friendship as mother and son which I worry about constantly now he is a teenager and spends most time with his friends...sigh 14 yrs old...he will start drivers ed next yr....then get his license...then fly away...I am proud of you Josiah, you have been through so much and have grown into quite the handsome young man...Happy Birthday
love, mom

Sunday Morning Serenity

Weekend

There is nothing like a day spent in bed with a migraine to make you feel grateful for your health and being outdoors. My day started out with a little achiness in my body which seemed to spread to my head as the day wore on. It was warmer out yesterday than the day before where we were only in the 30's but the wind was strong and when it is even slightly cold and windy I seem to never be able to get warm enough and my body is hunched over all day in a meager attempt to stay warm. Which I think the tense hunch causes my migraine. This weekend I will dress warm and in layers to not hunch and tense my body. I will practice relaxing my shoulders and neck. This is where I keep most of my tension.I will try to remember to stop and stretch as the day goes on. I also think I need to start yoga again since my body is getting older, it feels more stiff- especially in the wintertime!We will be over Chris's mothers house today, cleaning and making room for her to come home in a couple weeks. Next week is Easter and it looks like we will be having dinner at home. I am excited and looking forward to baking and seeing who will be coming over to our house for Easter. All are welcome.!!!!!

Creating Peace

yesterday, without going into too much detail....my home was altered by some bad energy...lets just say a person not from my family came in with ugly angry energy and threw it around...I am planning on doing a cleansing with chimes...both in Feng Shui and Wicca circles it is believed that chimes break up bad energy...I have always wanted a home that the stranger could feel at peace with, that anyone could come and fall asleep at, that could be a second home and a place where hearts heal, feet are comforted. That was a little disrupted yesterday. Now, my house is full of male energy, 4 boys and father bear keep me busy, but at the very core of this house is love. We are not perfect but we are committed to each other. It is a rowdy house always with a lot going on. But, peace is here. I don't mean the quiet peace, but the kind of peace that is given by Spirit- the one that surpasses all understanding.

Why not perfection?

Today I am tired. It is monday. My coffee is getting colder faster than I can drink it.  I think I want hot chocolate. My nose is feeling congested, maybe a cold coming on? Usually I catch my colds in the Autumn or Spring. I decided today to make my peace with not being perfect. I had to go pick up moody bear#3 from school because he got into a fight. He didn't get suspended which is good but he has issues we will need to start working on. Moody Bear #1 said he doesn't want to do baseball this summer and wants to work for his dad all summer. I am slightly disappointed in that. I just worry he will spend the summer hanging out with friends bugging me for money or rides when he isn't shooting dirty looks my way. But right now I am worried about Moody Bear #3.  I wonder what I could do differently that will help him deal with the anger he feels and the blowup he experiences. Whenever something happens to one of my children, I automatically wonder if I could've done or should be doing something differently. We mothers (and fathers too) are terribly brutal on ourselves, aren't we? So, I am letting go of the dreams that I will be the perfect Momma Bear where my children will rise up and call me blessed. It isn't going to happen. At this point, besides being a bank and a chauffer, I am lucky to get their attention for a few seconds. Its a strange ride when 3 of your sons go through puberty at the same time. I feel I am flying blind.As a matter of fact, a friend of mine posted on facebook her daughter was turning 14 and they had such a great relationship, she just couldn't understand why anyone would complain about their teenagers (meaning me) I was so angry and jealous, I hid her from my wall page from now on.  But, I am not perfect. And all I can do is love them, pray for them when they are not here, and hope they make the right choices.

Happy Ostara!!!!!

If I lived south of here I am sure it would be filled with warmer sunshine and flowers in bloom already, but here in the North, we see Spring a little differently. Mother Earth is just wakening from her winter slumber and I see little shoots coming up that will be the blessed flowers in a couple weeks. I have tulips starting to grow, Iris, and even Bleeding Heart, I think. One thing I did this year early Spring was to start my vegetable garden. I have planted Peas and Spinach this week- cold weather vegetables and will be planting onions and carrots soon too.The moon has been amazing the past couple days, it is a waxing crescent which makes me think of the pictures of the boy riding it like a boat or of the witch riding it. Today I will wonder out in my small gardens to be, looking for more evidence the Lady of Spring has walked amongst my sacred Oaks and blessed our little land here in the cities...Today is also the celebration of the Vernal Equinox, a day where light and darkness are of equal length. I pondered this word- "balance"...what exactly does it mean? Its origin is "bi" meaning two and "lanx" meaning scales. What is out of balance in my life? What do I need to do to change them? I know exercise and meditation/prayer is what I need to balance. Well, one of the things I would like to focus on. I could practice visualization of two scales with these on them. Maybe I will draw a picture...

Sometimes the right picture matches the right words

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
-
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata