It as been awhile since I have been able to get onto the computer...maybe it as been a blessing in disguise as my laptop crashed nearly a month ago and we haven't had access to the internet...my son's cell phone broke and we seemed to have went back about 10 years, pre-internet, cell phones etc...it hasn't been to bad...I found the biggest change has been my mornings...I didn't realize how much time I had spent on the computer- online- reading searching out new things that interested me...it could go on forever! but instead, this past month my mornings have been spent creating- I have spent a lot of time beading - trying new patterns, stitches, or just going with the flow. I am going to go out on a limb this June andwill be trying to sell some of my bracelets at our local craft fair...I am nervous because I don't know much about how to do that...but, I am trusting that Life, Spirit, is guiding me in this direction to try and spread my wings a little...I have learned a little more about myself as I am creating jewelry...I am, a perfectionist when it comes to my pieces...I could spend hours working on something and if it doesn't look right, feel right, I will take it apart and start over...I have tried to realize that in all this work, in all this time spent creating, I am learning, I am moving forward, I am growing and changing in my abilities to create...I look into the wider arc of my life and am holding to this lesson in another area where I have made a big decision...after having spent the past 2 years in school, I am going to take a year off again, and just work. Many people don't understand, I am so close to graduating, I have spent so much time already in school, "why not just get it done"? but life isn't about rushing to the finish line...I know that...I am burnt out with school, my grades reflect it, my attitude reflects it...woking for a year in the schools will give me time to realize again why I am wanting to be a teacher...I need to go out in the "real" world and be with these kids...there are also some very personal family issues that need to be taken care this summer...sigh, but this is what makes up life, right? we can plan for our lives but it rarely works out the way we see it...one phrase that has been in my mind these past couple days is "water chooses the path of least resistence" I don't know why I am thinking about this but I feel that at this point in my life, I am to let go and let God. I am to trust in the Flow of what is happening, be pliable, bendable, moldable. It has been so long since I have gone through a life change such as this, I am scared, a little depressed and anxious, but, I know that I will take life one day at a time. I am creating a new beginning for me, creating a new direction. That is part of creating. Knowing when to stop, unravel the thread, take off the beads, and change. Maybe the beads need to be a different size or color, maybe I need a different thread, or maybe I just need to start a whole new pattern.
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